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This is not a post about how to get along well with your friends, or even how to make friends. This is rather a very personal and sad post for me. You see, all my life I’ve only ever really wanted 1 thing – a best friend. Sounds stupid, I know! We all have different definitions of what this means but to me, it means someone I relate to so much, it almost feels like we are sisters. A bit too much to ask? that’s probably because it is. So let me be realistic… I needed a friend, a person that I can talk to for hours about pointless things. The one that I can count on to bring me a chocolate and cupcakes when i’m heart broken. The one I can talk to when i’m angry at my boyfriend. The 1 that I don’t even have to explain myself, and she just gets it. And most importantly, the one that’ll understand and be patient with me.
I am a work in progress, but I am also definitely a Mother!
Irrespective of the situation, my daughter will always come first but this doesn’t mean that I do not have time for you. I want more than anything to hang out and have coffee. I want to go to the movies, I want to do paintball saturdays and socialise with people that won’t tell me *Okay, that’s enough, mommy!* but I also want to be the best Mom I know I can be. And this on it’s own is a full time job.
At first it was great, we got along well, too many things in common [which was fantastic], the same struggles, and most importantly we had aligned passions. I was there and willing to make it work….I still am. But my friend, I need you to understand and be patient with me. For me, gone are the days when I could do anything I wanted to {No regrets}. A schedule has become my partner and planning is right there with it. I find myself saying to you “no; I can’t make it; I’ll confirm” so much more lately that it breaks my heart to pieces. As I sit here and write this post, I feel you slipping away from me, one cancelled coffee date at a time. 
I don’t want this to happen, and yet I don’t know how to stop it from happening!
I wish there was a way to make it all work, and maybe there is; I just don’t know yet. Our friendship has been on hold, mostly because of me. I have too many things going on. The same struggles you know, and also the good struggles that you don’t know about. And in the misdst of all this, I forgot to text you and say hi; you stopped asking me to come to church/hang out; we both just gave up!
I really hope that someday, I will find the balance that I am looking for. One where I am able to give you the love and attention you need while being the best possible Mother I can be. Until then, I am sorry for neglecting our Friendship. I miss you more than you can imagine and it pains my heart each time when I have to say “I won’t make it”. Most of all, I need you to always remember that no matter what happens to our friendship, You are the Sister that I never had but always wanted. In you, I found a best friend. Keep well and stay smilling, My Friend 🙂 .
PS: My Friend, you know yourself, afterall, I am a 1 friend woman *wink*