Okay first of all, it feels very strange for me to say Son after 5 years of saying Daughter.
Believe it or not, every doctor’s appointment I go to, I ask my doctor to make sure that you are indeed a boy. Yes, your mom is a little crazy sometimes but don’t blame me, it just took a moment to sync in that I’m about to have a baby boy.
I remember the day I found out that you were a boy – 19 April 2018. Thee scariest and yet most exciting day of my life this year. To be honest, the doctor said you might possibly be a boy since it was a bit too early to tell but I took his words as gospel and started imagining life with a baby boy.
It wasn’t quite as picture perfect as it sounds . First I got really excited by the idea of having a little boy. Then I realized that your big sister had asked for a little sister and not brother, then panic set in a bit. How will I tell her? What is she going to say? What if she says I must return you to the stocks?…. Yer, another story for another day… But really the biggest panic set in when I realized that I knew nothing about raising boys.
The thing is I wanted the best for you before I even knew that you were a boy for sure. I knew I had to get myself ready and prepared to bring you into this world like a champ that you deserve to be. I knew that I loved you from the very moment that I took that pregnancy test and I knew I would fight till the very end to have you here with us.
I didn’t know it at the time but you and your big sister are the missing pieces I needed to complete my puzzle. But I can see it now.
My dear child I cannot promise you that life will be amazing because my dear, it is messy, but I can tell you that I will spend every second of my waking breath trying to make it amazing for you and your big sister. I will never be able to give you everything you want but I hope you will find everything you need in me.
It’s not long now before we meet and let me tell you, I am scared. Scared that I might mess up and ruin your precious little life. Scared that I might never be enough for both you and your Sister. But I’m also very excited to be bringing a little boy into this world at a time when raising a boy child is so critical in our society. As challenging and terrifying as it is, I am completely looking forward to starting that adventure with you.
I don’t know about you but we can barely wait to meet you.
You are loved little one.
xoxo
