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Today I got home early. Not because I left work earlier than normal but because I used Uber. I didn’t walk like I always do. To be honest I didn’t have the energy to do it. In fact I don’t have energy for anything!

Yesterday I was supposed to put up a blog post and I didn’t. Right now, i’m supposed to be filming for my Youtube channel and i’m not. I have been trying to put up pictures on Instagram but I just can’t get myself to do it. I wanted to start a giveaway on my Facebook page but I haven’t.

I am tired!

No, i’m not hormonal or pregnant. I’m not on my period or pms’ing. I am just tired and my social anxiety attacks are much higher now more than ever.

I am an external Introvert and i’m okay with it. But I also have social anxiety, and this one sucks. This past week I have seen people be exposed to cyber-bullying and I just watched from a distance. Unfortunately I also had someone cyberbully me. Honestly I don’t take that to heart. I brush them off. I know there are people out there who will want to pull everyone down to their level simply because they don’t feel good about themselves. So if anything, I feel bad for the person doing the cyberbullying than the person being bullied. However, this week, my social anxiety has been sky high. I have no idea why but suddenly, I’m judging my work way too much, i’m not able to post any pics on my social media sites without heart palpitations, and I just want to stay home and not interact with anyone. But I can’t! My reality has no room for staying at home!

The thing is, I started this whole blogging and youtube situation to get over all of this mess. To break free of my shyness, to improve my social skills, and to just build social relationships that aren’t with my Daughter and Boyfriend. I’ve come really far to just give it all up. But I don’t know what to do.

I lack motivation to edit my videos, to write, and even to come up with content. Truthfully, i’ve considered deleting all my social media sites – my blog included – way more than i’d like this week and it’s scaring the living creativity out of me.

These are the only places where I get to do the things I like. Where I get to share things and experiences with people, where I get to just be me and not pretend to be badass and all, and yet, here I am feeling like this!

I don’t even know why i’m writing this post, let alone whether or not i’m going to publish it. I just needed to say something or maybe write it down.

Does anyone get this? Am I going crazy, or just a little overwhelmed? My stomach does feel a little like it’s in knots!

Have you ever felt like this? How did you deal with it?

Please help a sister out…

xoxo

Oluv