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First comes love, then a bunch of happy babies – okay maybe 4, and maybe just maybe marriage. Or at least in my case.

I have spent far too much time listening to people ask me when my boyfriend will marry me. Honestly, I laugh it off because truly the fact that we’ve been together for 7 years and still aren’t married really doesn’t bother me. What bothers me though is the way society – or maybe just some people – make it sound like it is really ungodly to be together for that long and still not married.

Why should we be married?

I have had the honour to attend some people’s wedding only to see them miserable in a year or 2. And no, I am not saying that married people are miserable. All i’m saying is, why is it so wrong for 2 people to just love each other without being pressured into marriage? Why is it not okay to some people to just let 2 people that love each other be happy without being married? Why is that people judge others for wanting to have kids outside marriage?

The other day, I was just walking around a mall and shopping with my little one when a very nice lady asked me how old my daughter is. I told her and for a moment there we had a really great conversation. Well, at least until she asked me if i’m married! Of course I said no, and that changed everything! She looked at me different and she had the guards to actually ask me when i’m planning to get married. This was right after she said “These days men father kids and run away!”.

Let me just say, it took every single fibre in my body not to tell her exactly where to get off. But I wasn’t raised that way so I continued to tell her that actually, i’m still with the father of my daughter. He has been there since day 1 when we started our relationship.

Babies or Marriage? Which one comes first?.

The topic of having kids outside wedlock to me feels a lot like that of having sex before marriage. Yes, I understand that it’s written somewhere in the bible – i’m not that clued up with scriptures but I think it’s there. I also believe though that somewhere in the bible it says kids are a blessing. I don’t want to make this oh so holy, but what i’m saying here is, could it be so wrong for a person to want to have kids but wait a bit on getting legally married?

I mean marriage to me comes from the heart, not paper!

In my opinion, it’s no use having a marriage certificate only for you to do everything that goes against marriage. Don’t ask me what that is, i’m not legally married!

One day back in 2014 when we talked about this whole marriage thing with my boyfriend, we both actually came to realize that we have been marriage for a while. Just not on paper, no witnesses, no food or ceremony, just us, our conscious, and our God.

We want to spend the rest of our lives together. We plan on having more kids together. We have no plans of intentionally breaking up with each other. We support each other through thick and thin.

Isn't this what marriage is about?

I don’t know how to talk or write about this topic without sounding like i’m venting but these are some of the things that go through my mind each time a person asks me when i’m getting married.

I am by no means in any hurry to get a legal document that pronounces me married. I am happy with my boyfriend and our daughter (and hopefully more babies soon). Our daughter is one happy goof ball and to us, that is everything.

No one should be pressured into marriage and as much as it sucks to have to explain myself each time, I won’t do it just for that sake. So please excuse me if i’m coming across as though i’m venting. And please excuse me for wanting to live my life with my boyfriend – whom I love – and our little ones happily outside marriage.

Perhaps one day we will get the legal marriage document but until then, here’s to living life happy.








  • I’m going to a wedding next week of people who has been together for more than 7 years (don’t know how long because their daughter is 7 and they met waaaaay before then). Just do you boo – F** society.

    • olerato says:

      Heck yes. F** society, agreed!! That is so wonderful though. Enjoy the wedding and all the best of luck and i’m sending blessing to you friends…xoxo